The Portageur

This past summer I spent two months at Ontario Pioneer Camp. I initially went to get away from my everyday surroundings; everything was unraveling around me and I was tangled in despair. The alternative included job hunting and living under my parent’s roof. The alternative was not an option. I had to get away, I had to escape. My friend Krista told me about OPC and the application process came along effortlessly. I arrived for orientation two days after I got hired.

The site was beautiful and what was foreign to me then is so familiar to me now. They placed me in a chalet up on the hill – with Aliesha (Zeal) and Miriam (Raffie). The Portageur section, which turned out to be more than fitting because my relationship with Christ was at a standstill; I had one foot firmly planted on land and the other foot unstable in a canoe. God was patiently waiting for me there, but I was stubborn, consistently contriving a myriad of excuses. Well, I must have fallen asleep because I woke up in that canoe. Orientation week had passed and it was just like a dream. If orientation was any indication as to how the rest of the summer was going to unfold, then I was in for a real treat. But I woke up in that canoe in a panic, my head full of doubt and my heart full of guilt. I didn’t belong here; I wasn’t equipped to welcome others into God’s kingdom. I went to camp for selfish reasons, not for selfless reasons.

 As it turns out, they were overstaffed for Session 1 and asked for kitchen volunteers. In my life I have learned to volunteer for things as if no one else is going to volunteer for them. My heart was willing and I spent the week in the kitchen with Natalie (OHIP). My appreciation has grown significantly for people who work behind-the-scenes. I think that they sometimes go unnoticed; I certainly felt unnoticed. I’m not really cut out for the kitchen, but I think God wanted to ease me into things. Jane and Sue were incredibly patient with me and I was really fortunate to spend that time with them. They take their job very seriously, but they love to laugh. I enjoyed laughing with them and learning from them that week.

Session 2 couldn’t come soon enough. I was pumped to have my own campers. I was placed in the Pilgrim section – down the hill. Claire was my section head and Anne was my co-leader. Expo was like wonder woman and Grawp was her side-kick. These ladies were unstoppable. I learned an abundance from them during those next two weeks. It was a very humbling experience. Thankfully my campers were golden, which presented me with the opportunity to get reacquainted with Christ.

I informed God that everything I had was left on the shore; He told me that everything I needed was in that canoe – that canoe was empty. I grabbed an ore and started to paddle, but it was no use, God was steering us further and further away from the shore. He said, “I want to show you something,” and I sat perfectly still.
            As weeks passed, I was spending more time with God at camp than I had been all year. We discussed a lot; no stone went unturned. He addressed every question I had and listened when I had nothing to say. God had always been a father figure to me, only this time he approached me as a groom. God got right into the thicket of my heart, thorns and all, and he pruned away at the brokenness, ‘til there was nothing left but roses. He romanced me all summer and told me that I deserved better than the life I had settled into. He told me that I was His child, His pleasure, His beloved. It caused him great pain to watch me suffer for so long. He said, “I love you,” and I asked, “Why?” He said, “Because you are mine.”
            It started to rain and the canoe was tied to a dock. Nothing looked familiar to me, but still I wandered out. I explored the land and built a shelter. Some friends showed up, Christ among them; I welcomed them in. We shared stories, laughter and tears. We prayed for each other and God heard those prayers. All summer, I prayed that I could be the same girl I was at camp once I had left camp. I did not want the summer to be a spiritual peak.

 I was shattered and God molded me into a beautiful mosaic. I was in darkness and God revealed His light. I was uncertain and God reminded me of His truth.  He made a beautiful thing out of me; He made me out of dust. I no longer feel guilt or shame for the things I have done. God has removed my transgressions from me. He has wiped my slate clean. My pillow used to be stained with tears, now it’s stained with bleach. I didn’t realize just how far from God I had wandered until I found myself at camp.
            Months later, my relationship with Christ is rock solid. He is the priority in my life and things are better as a result. I am making better choices, I am surrounding myself with people who build me up instead of tear me down. My relationship with my parents has improved significantly (something I thought might never happen). University agrees with me and I am happy to be there. I am in a really good place right now, and it’s because I’m walking hand-in-hand with God. The canoe has been put away for the winter, because everything I needed was in that canoe – Christ was in that canoe. We are star gazing, song singing, gift giving, and life sharing friends. I said, “I do” and in return He is making me new.